Dating spouse while separated
Three years ago, when I was 56, I suggested to my husband that he move out of our house in New Jersey. As he was settling into his new apartment in Manhattan, he called. We would stay separated for a year and, somehow, together, figure out this whole thing. Sometimes, emerging from a divorce, it takes a while for things to add up. We pledged that we would always be friends, and our family would survive. After a few minutes, as we were about to hang up, he told me that he was "seeing someone.""Seeing someone." Two words that splintered my head into speechlessness, followed by a dizzying internal stream of, What about "Our family would survive"? "By Straight Male Friend Marcus Osborne for Gal Believe what you hear, divorce is hard. Multiply that agony by ten if there are children involved. Related: Dating After Divorce-- Get Your Mojo Back The oddity is that often during a separation the parties agree to be open to seeing other people, even though the door is supposedly open for reconciliation. Do you tell people you're dating that you're just separated? Other than perhaps the death of a family member, the severing of what was expected to be a lifelong union is about as emotionally crippling as any life as experience an individual will ever survive. If one of us knows they want out, what’s the point of a separation in the first place?
I most often run into people dating while separated when they're separated themselves and involved with someone else who's separated too.
He said he was just thinking how good I look, but he didn’t want me to think he was being disingenuous or trying to weasel his way back in with me. The whole lackluster event ended at , only an hour and a half after it started, without us touching each other once.
He didn’t try to hold my hand, hug me, or even really get close at all.
After all, there's a good chance that you get involved with that person and they drop that, "I'm getting back with my ex" bomb on you. And let's face it, there's a great risk in being the first new relationship for the soon-to-be divorcee.
Do you really want to be the rebound or the buffer between the old life and the new one? Lois De Socio is a journalist with 30 years' experience writing for newspapers, magazines, and websites.